


Truths Come Out

by fullyvisible



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Nicky and Aaron Made Mistakes, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Canon, Protective Neil Josten, it's not anti-Nicky and Aaron but it's not particularly kind to them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26453926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullyvisible/pseuds/fullyvisible
Summary: When Nicky and Aaron decide to confront Andrew about his past relationship with Roland, Andrew and Neil take it poorly, and Andrew finds out more than they intended.
Relationships: Andrew Minyard & Renee Walker, Kevin Day & Neil Josten & Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 52
Kudos: 505





	Truths Come Out

“Breakfast’s here,” called Andrew as he and Neil dropped several bags of food onto the kitchen table in the Columbia house. Kevin came down the hall and sat down right away, pulling a breakfast sandwich out of a bag and starting to eat. Nicky and Aaron followed behind him, but they didn’t go to the table. Instead, they were watching Andrew. Nicky looked nervous and Aaron looked angry, but the determination in their expressions matched. Neil’s alarm bells were going off, and he instinctively took a step closer to Andrew as he tried to assess what the threat was.

“Andrew,” Nicky started, “we want to talk.”

Kevin sighed loudly, closed his eyes, and took another bite of his sandwich.

“You already are,” said Andrew. His tone was neutral, but Neil felt him tense up beside him.

“About Roland.” Aaron said his name like a curse.

“What about him?” asked Andrew. “Didn’t like your drinks last night?”

“About you hooking up with him,” said Nicky, “and how he was a total creep for doing that to you.”

Andrew stared at them, then blinked. “No.”

“What do you mean, ‘no’? You have to understand how inappropriate it was for him to take advantage of you like that,” said Nicky.

Neil was watching Andrew carefully. He didn’t think anyone else noticed the way Andrew’s hands twitched slightly towards his arm bands before returning to his sides. “I mean ‘no’ as in we’re not having this conversation. Not today, not ever,” Andrew said. He glanced at the table, where Kevin had started in on a parfait. “Are you going to have breakfast or not? Because we probably got too much food if Kevin’s the only one who’s going to eat it.”

Nicky turned to Kevin. “Tell him to listen to us.”

“No,” Kevin said flatly. “This is a shitty idea, and I told you I don’t want any part in it.”

“Neil?” Nicky appealed.

“You heard Andrew. No.”

Nicky looked taken aback. He had clearly expected Neil to take their side, while Aaron – who was standing slightly behind Nicky with his arms folded and an expression somewhere between apathy and disgust – didn’t seem surprised. “Come on, Neil,” Nicky urged. “How can you just be okay with whatever Roland did to Andrew? That shit was super unhealthy, and Andrew needs to realize it wasn’t okay.”

“Andrew can make his own decisions, and one of the decisions he made is that he’s not going to talk to you about this. Back off,” Neil warned.

“We’re just worried about him,” said Nicky.

Aaron stared at Neil. “Don’t you think it was fucked up?”

“I think that Andrew’s going to kill you if you don’t drop it, and I think I’m going to help,” Neil said icily.

Nicky returned his focus to Andrew, who looked like he was a million miles away. “Andrew, he was 23 and you were 17. That’s probably statutory rape!”

Andrew snapped his attention back to Nicky, a pulse of rage flashing through his eyes before they went empty again. “Do not tell me what rape is.”

Nicky apparently missed the warning and took the fact that Andrew responded at all as a step in the right direction. “Okay, fine, maybe it wasn’t _that_ bad, but he still took advantage of you!”

“At best, it sounds like Roland could tell you’d be an easy target,” said Aaron. He looked sideways at Neil. “Maybe that’s why Neil’s okay with it. He can relate.”

Neil wanted nothing more than to punch Aaron again, but he didn’t think that would help Andrew, who looked ready to close in on himself. It took all of Neil’s self-control to keep still. “Remember what happened last time you said that to me? What makes you think it will go better today?” At this, Andrew narrowed his eyes, watching his twin critically.

“Last time it was just a test to see if the thing between you and Andrew was real. Now, I’m starting to wonder if it’s true,” said Aaron, venom in his voice.

Andrew looked between Neil and Aaron, brows pulled together in consternation. “Explain.”

Neil grimaced, still glaring at Aaron. “At the cabin, after Baltimore, he cornered me and asked if – if I –”

“I asked if he was really fucking you,” Aaron cut in impatiently, “and then I asked if he took his cues from dead men. If he thought you were an easy target after seeing what Drake did to you. And then he punched me.” He looked at Andrew levelly. “Didn’t you ever wonder how I knew I could use him to get you to leave Katelyn alone?”

“I’ve wondered how you could be such a massive piece of shit,” Andrew countered. Aaron’s scowl contrasted sharply with Andrew’s blank expression. Neil was starting to feel sick. He knew he needed to end this conversation and get Andrew out of there, but he didn’t know how.

Before he could think of anything, Nicky tried to bring the focus back to Roland.

“But really, Neil, if you actually care about Andrew, how can you stand it?” Nicky asked. “How can you even talk to Roland, knowing what he’s done?”

“He didn’t _do_ anything Andrew didn’t consent to. Andrew’s okay with him, so I’m okay with him,” said Neil.

“And we should all just accept that and move on?” sneered Aaron. “We all know Andrew has some questionable ideas about what is and isn’t okay.”

Neil could feel Andrew shrinking back beside him, and he tried to stay calm and push down the anger that was bubbling up in his stomach. “I trust Andrew’s judgement. And Roland’s always been nice to me.”

“He drugged your drink the very first time you met him!” Nicky said.

Neil’s anger reached its boiling point. “Because _you_ all told him to,” he said coldly. “And besides, at least he just put it in the drink. He’s not the one who drugged me by forcing his tongue down my throat.”

“He’s not the one who _what_?” asked Andrew dangerously. Neil froze. He heard Kevin’s sharp intake of breath from the table. Even Aaron had taken a step back from Nicky. Apparently, Andrew had never found out about that particular aspect of Neil’s first night in Columbia. He hadn’t meant to tell him – not like this – but he couldn’t make himself regret it. Andrew deserved the truth.

“Look, I said I was sorry,” said Nicky, oblivious to Andrew’s shift in tone. “I was just flirting a little, it wasn’t a big deal.”

In an instant, Andrew had Nicky pinned against the wall, a knife pressed against his shirt. “I told you not to touch him.”

“I didn’t!” Nicky protested. “Not really! It was just a couple of kisses.” He stifled a yelp as the knife pushed closer.

“Tell me exactly what happened,” said Andrew, his voice barely above a whisper.

Nicky began to answer. “We were at Eden’s, and –”

“Not you,” said Andrew. “Neil.”

Andrew’s focus stayed on Nicky, but Nicky turned his head to look at Neil, silently pleading with him. Neil returned his gaze, unmoved. He wasn’t in the mood to throw Nicky a lifeline he didn’t deserve, and he wasn’t going to lie to Andrew. Neil began to talk, keeping his voice as neutral as possible. “Right after the drugs started to hit me, Nicky dragged me down to the dance floor, and then he – ” Neil paused. ‘Kisses’ were what he and Andrew did. Kisses were trust and passion and _yes or no_. Calling what Nicky had done a ‘kiss’ cheapened the word. “He used his tongue to force more cracker dust into my mouth.”

“And then?” asked Andrew. He hadn’t looked away from Nicky.

Neil took a breath and continued. “After you talked to me, after I told you I wasn’t a mole, I was trying to get to the stairs, and Nicky pushed me back down and did it again. It was probably still cracker dust, but it tasted worse the second time. That’s – that’s the last thing I remember from that night.”

Andrew’s expression was blank, but he was shaking slightly. “You slept in Nicky’s bed that night. What else happened?”

“Nothing, Andrew, I swear –” Nicky started.

“I didn’t ask you,” said Andrew. Neil saw a small spot of red appear where the tip of the knife touched Nicky’s shirt. Nicky whimpered.

Neil hesitated, weighing whether his next words would help keep Andrew from killing his cousin. “I still had on all the same clothes from the night before when I woke up. He had his arms around me, but I think that’s it,” he said.

Nicky was looking at Andrew cautiously, awaiting his verdict. After a long moment, Andrew lowered his knife and took a step back. “No need to make a mess with this,” he said, holding up the knife. “You’re already dead to me.”

Nicky looked stunned. “You don’t mean that.” Neil almost felt bad for him, but he was too worried about Andrew to care.

Andrew ignored Nicky and turned to Neil. “We’re leaving.”

“I’ll get the bags,” said Aaron quietly.

“No,” said Andrew. He gestured between himself and Neil. “ _We’re_ leaving.”

“But – wait – you’re our ride!” Nicky said desperately.

Andrew shrugged. “Hitchhike back. That’s what Neil did after you assaulted him.” Without a backwards glance, Andrew turned and left the house, Neil right behind him. They were outside before they realized Kevin had followed them.

“What?” said Kevin. “I told them this was a dumb idea. And I didn’t know anything about the other stuff. I’m not hitchhiking back to campus because Nicky and Aaron are idiots.”

“Take a cab,” Andrew suggested. “This isn’t going to be a pleasant drive.”

Kevin pressed his lips together, looking grimly determined. “Even more reason for me to be there. You’ll need a neutral third party.” Neil felt like he should understand what Kevin meant by that, but he couldn’t figure it out. It was frustrating.

“Should I be grateful for your service, then?” asked Andrew.

“Probably, yeah,” said Kevin. “And Neil definitely will be.”

“Is that a preview of the type of neutrality we can expect from you?”

Kevin didn’t answer the question. Instead, he took a step closer to Andrew. “He’s not you. And you’re not her.”

“We’ll see,” said Andrew. He looked back at Neil. Pain flashed across his eyes before he quickly looked away. “Let’s go.”

Neil was still trying to piece their conversation together as the three of them got into Andrew’s car. There were very few women in Andrew’s life that could be the “her” Kevin had referenced, and the only one he could think of that would draw that type of reaction from Andrew was Cass. But the only way Andrew could possibly be comparing himself to Cass was if he thought he had somehow enabled Nicky’s assault, which was ridiculous.

Or was it? Andrew had decided to take him to Columbia. Andrew had clearly been in charge of the structure of the evening. Andrew had almost certainly been the one who decided to drug him in the first place. Without those three things, Nicky wouldn’t have had the opportunity to force himself on Neil like that. Neil’s confusion dissolved into nausea as he realized why Andrew couldn’t meet his eyes. He pivoted in the passenger seat to look at Kevin, trying to wordlessly consult with him on what they could do to convince Andrew this wasn’t his fault.

Kevin just rolled his eyes. “Yes, Neil, glad you caught up.” He smiled in a way Neil thought was meant to be reassuring, but he looked too tense for it to be effective. “That’s why I’m here.”

Neil nodded, shifting back in his seat and looking at Andrew. He had a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, and his breathing was even but faster than it should be. Neil wanted to say something to try to bring him back down, but he was nervous he’d say the wrong thing. He hadn’t even realized why Andrew was so upset at first. Maybe he should wait to follow Kevin’s lead. He turned to the backseat again. Kevin, looking impatient, just nodded his head towards Andrew and gestured for him to go ahead.

Neil looked back at Andrew. He still didn’t know what to say, but he had to try something. “Andrew, talk to me.”

Andrew’s eyes darted over to him and then back to the road, his lips pressed into a thin line.

Neil started again. “It was one time, a year ago. I’ve forgiven him. Yeah, it was a super shitty thing for him to do, but I’m –”

“If you say you’re fine I will crash this car into a tree,” Andrew interrupted him.

“ _Andrew_ ,” said Kevin sternly. His voice was firm, but he looked like he was thinking about Tilda’s demise.

“Don’t ‘Andrew’ me. Tell Neil not to lie and say he’s fine.”

“It’s not a lie,” said Neil, hoping Andrew’s threat only applied to him saying the actual words. “At the time, yeah, I wasn’t fine. But it was a long time ago. Nothing like that has happened since. And I’m not asking you to forgive Nicky. I’m just asking you not to blame yourself.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Sure it is,” said Neil. “Look, when it happened, we weren’t – we weren’t anything yet. Hell, you still thought I was trying to kill Kevin or force him to go back to Edgar Allen. It wasn’t until the next day that you started to trust me at all, and it took a couple of months after that for me to give you my back. You had no obligation to protect me.”

“None of that matters,” said Andrew. “I put you in that situation, and I didn’t do anything to stop it. End of story.”

“That’s not true,” said Neil. “I’ve seen you pull a knife on Nicky twice: once, before our first trip to Columbia, when you told him not to touch me. And then this morning, when you found out what he’d done.”

“Clearly it wasn’t effective.”

“Maybe not the first time,” Neil allowed, “but at this point, I’m pretty sure he won’t get within ten feet of me without express written consent from both of us.”

“Too late,” said Andrew. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters,” said Neil. “As soon as you knew, you did something.”

“Too late,” Andrew said again.

“I would’ve talked to you about it sooner if I’d felt like it was a big deal, or if I still didn’t feel safe around Nicky, or if I’d realized you didn’t already know.”

Andrew pressed harder on the gas pedal, and Neil realized he’d made a mistake. “You thought I knew?”

Neil kept his voice steady as he tried to explain. “At first, before I really knew you, when I was still surprised to find out you hadn’t told them about my binder or my German or my past, yeah, maybe. I just assumed you told each other everything. But by the time I’d realized how important it would be for you to know, the actual incident wasn’t that important to me. I didn’t think to tell you because I didn’t think about it in the first place.”

“If you thought I knew,” said Andrew quietly, “you shouldn’t be able to look at me. You shouldn’t be able to trust me. You shouldn’t let me anywhere near you.”

“You shouldn’t tell me what to think of you,” said Neil stubbornly.

“I told you I wouldn’t let you let me be like them,” Andrew said. “I won’t let you let me be like her, either.”

“Do you really think that’s what’s happening here?” asked Neil. “Do I need to go through all the ways this is different? Because I will if you think it will help.”

Andrew shook his head. “Nothing will help.” He glanced at Kevin in the rearview mirror. “Does the neutral third party have anything to add? Perhaps a score update – can you tell us who’s winning?”

Kevin sighed heavily. “Nobody.”

Andrew nodded solemnly. “That, at least, we can agree on.”

With that, the car fell into a heavy silence. Achingly, Neil thought of the way his morning had started, waking up next to Andrew. He longed to go back to the peace of that moment. Maybe if he had another chance, he could prevent the rest of the morning from going so poorly. The silence only increased in weight as Andrew continued to drive, staring straight ahead with a death grip on the steering wheel. After several miles, Neil broke it. “I’m not giving up on you,” he said. “I’m not giving up on us.”

“There is no ‘us.’ This is nothing,” said Andrew. “You’ve always been a pipe dream.”

Andrew’s words cut sharper than his knives, but Neil refused to listen. “This is not nothing,” he said. “This is real, and it’s good, and it’s worth fighting for.”

“Nothing I’ve ever done is good.”

“You know that’s not true,” said Neil.

“Weren’t you listening to Aaron? You’re just another notch in my belt of bad decisions.”

“You know I’m not,” Neil said, ignoring is own recurring fear that he would one day prove Aaron right. When he spoke again, his reassurance was as much for himself as it was for Andrew. “This is good. Don’t let them tell you it isn’t.”

Andrew didn’t react. Kevin reached forward and gave Neil’s shoulder a squeeze from the backseat. None of them said a word the rest of the way back to campus.

The silence continued through their walk from the parking lot into the dorm. When they exited the stairwell onto their floor, Andrew went straight to the girls’ dorm and knocked. Kevin and Neil stopped further back, unsure whether they were supposed to follow.

Dan answered the door. They could see Matt, Renee, and Allison in the living room behind her. She took one look at the tension on Neil’s and Kevin’s faces and stepped into the hallway with them, leaving the door open behind her. “What’s going on?”

Allison appeared in the doorway behind Dan. “Aren’t you a few monsters short of a full pack?” she asked.

“Nope,” Andrew said. He made eye contact with Renee over Allison’s shoulder. “Are you busy?”

Renee shook her head. “I’ve got time. Walk or spar?”

Andrew thought for a second. “Walk.”

“Okay,” said Renee. “Let’s go.” Andrew turned and walked back out of the dorm, followed by Renee. “We’ll be back,” Renee called over her shoulder. She gave Neil and Kevin a reassuring smile, and then they disappeared into the stairwell.

Dan looked after them with a frown. By now, Matt had also come out of their room and into the hallway. He turned to Neil and Kevin. “What was that about? And really, are Nicky and Aaron okay?”

“No idea,” said Neil. “We left them in Columbia.”

“On purpose?” asked Dan.

“Yeah,” said Kevin. He looked at Neil as the two of them tried to decide how much to tell the upperclassmen. They’d all been a lot more open with each other since the spring, but some things still weren’t any of their business. Kevin came up with a concise and detail-free explanation first. “Nicky and Aaron ganged up on Andrew to confront him about a past hookup they didn’t like, and in the process of doing so, Andrew found out about a shitty thing Nicky did to Neil last year and a different shitty thing Aaron said to him that hit extra hard given the overall tone of the morning.”

“But are things okay between you guys?” Matt asked Neil. “It seemed . . . tense.”

Neil pushed away the bleakness that was threatening to wash over him. “I hope so.”

“You’ll be okay,” said Dan. “We’ve all seen how good you are together.” She turned to Kevin. “Is this thing with Nicky and Aaron going to screw up our game?”

“No,” said Kevin. “I won’t let it.” Neil wasn’t so confident, but Kevin sounded determined enough to make Neil believe him.

“I’m more interested in this mysterious past hookup,” said Allison. “When all this blows over, I expect answers.”

“It’s not as interesting as it sounds,” said Neil. “And I don’t think this is going to blow over.”

Matt clapped Neil on the back. “Keep us posted. We’re here for you.”

“Thanks,” said Neil. Matt followed Dan and Allison back into the girls’ dorm, and Kevin and Neil went into the room they shared with Andrew to wait for him to come back.

“Which of last night’s games do you want to watch?” asked Kevin.

Neil was relieved to have a distraction, but he couldn’t remember a single matchup from the night before. “You pick.”

Kevin nodded. Unsurprisingly, he chose the USC game. Kevin kept a running commentary as the Trojans handily beat Utah, noting the various Ravens techniques Jean had taught his new team and helping Neil keep his focus on the game.

They were most of the way through the second half when they heard a knock at the door. Neil looked at the door apprehensively. “Do you think Nicky and Aaron have made it back from Columbia yet?” he asked.

Kevin shook his head. “I told them to text me when they get to campus. Aaron said they’d probably stay another night and come back early tomorrow.”

Neil wasn’t sure whether or not to be surprised that Kevin had been in touch with them. He supposed it was good to have a heads up about when to expect them back in the dorm. But if Nicky and Aaron weren’t going to be back until the morning, that meant he still didn’t know who was at the door. “I’ll get it.” Crossing the room, Neil opened the door to find Renee. Andrew wasn’t with her.

“Hello, Neil,” she said. Her expression was unreadable. “Andrew asked me to tell you he’s on the roof.”

Neil was already grabbing his keys to join him, but he stopped. “Does he want me to come?”

Renee thought for a moment. “I expect he would have me tell you he wants you to do whatever _you_ want to do. Or perhaps that he doesn’t want anything. But if you are asking for my opinion, yes, he very much wants you to come.”

Neil felt a weight lift off his chest. “Good. I’ll go now.” He turned to Kevin. “Wish me luck?”

Kevin gave him a small nod. “Is it okay if I finish the game without you?”

“Yeah, I’ll catch the rest later,” said Neil. Realistically, he probably wouldn’t get around to it, but this seemed like the answer Kevin would find most satisfying. Neil stepped into the hallway with Renee, closing the door behind him. “Anything else I should know before I go up there?” he asked her.

“You already know everything you need to,” said Renee. “That said, it may be helpful to remember how hard Andrew has worked for every bit of control he’s gained over his life. It is difficult for him when that autonomy is challenged.”

Neil nodded slowly. “Thank you.” Renee slipped back into her own dorm, and Neil climbed the stairs to the roof.

Andrew was sitting on the ledge, smoking. Neil came over to sit beside him, keeping a few inches of careful distance between them. He reached over and stole Andrew’s cigarette. Andrew pulled another one out of the box and lit it, and Neil breathed a quiet sigh of relief. It was a sign they had managed to retain some level of normalcy. He watched Andrew, waiting for him to speak first.

“Staring,” said Andrew without turning his head.

“So what if I am?” said Neil. “I like looking at you.”

Andrew reached over and hooked two fingers on Neil’s chin, pushing his head away. Andrew kept his own gaze trained on the horizon. As soon as his hand dropped back to his lap, Neil turned to look at him again. Andrew sighed, but he didn’t push Neil away this time. Finally, he spoke. “What do you think of Roland?”

Neil was surprised this was where Andrew wanted to start, but it was an easy question to answer. “You heard what I said earlier. I trust your judgement.”

Andrew shook his head. “I heard what you said to them. I want to know what you really think.”

Neil spoke carefully. “There are things I like about him – that he was someone you felt safe exploring things with, that he generally seems to have your best interests at heart. I like that he’s been supportive of us, in his way.”

“But?” Andrew prompted.

“ _And_ ,” Neil corrected, “there are things I don’t like – that he’s six years older than you are, that he was your boss, that he couldn’t keep his hands off of you without restraints.” Neil paused. “The most important thing, though, is your opinion of him. You’ve showed me that you don’t see him as a threat, and I believe you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“You haven’t given me a single reason not to.”

“Then you haven’t been paying enough attention.”

Neil pressed his lips together in frustration. “Do you trust me?” It was a leap of faith, but Andrew caught him.

“Yes,” he said without hesitation.

“Then let me trust you, too.”

Andrew blinked and looked away from Neil. “It doesn’t work like that.”

“It could,” said Neil.

Andrew shook his head. “Actions have consequences. So do inactions. I don’t deserve your trust.”

“Well, you have it whether you want it or not,” said Neil. “You don’t get to make yourself into a monster.”

“Why not? Everyone else has.”

“I haven’t. Kevin hasn’t. Renee hasn’t. I’m pretty sure Coach and Bee and Abby haven’t,” Neil listed. He looked out over campus, watching the sun set behind the buildings. “I know how hard it is for people like us to believe it when someone says they care about you. It hasn’t been true for so long that it stops feeling like it ever could be.” He turned to face Andrew. “You’re the one who made me think it could be true again.”

“It is true, for you,” said Andrew, his voice low and distant.

“For you, too,” said Neil. “I need you to know that.”

Andrew was still for a long time, and then he gave a small nod. “I do know. Most of the time.”

They fell back into an easier silence – not like the silence they’d had in the car earlier, full of tension and pain, but a peaceful silence full of comfort and understanding. The soft pink sky was deepening into the indigo of twilight. Andrew pulled out two fresh cigarettes. He lit one and took a drag before handing it to Neil and lighting the other to keep.

“Did you really punch Aaron?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“He deserved it.”

“He usually does,” Andrew agreed, “but you’re still an idiot. Your hands were a bandaged mess. You definitely hurt yourself more than you hurt him.”

Neil shrugged. “It was worth it.” He looked at Andrew and tried to figure out how to articulate what he was feeling. “I don’t – the idea that he could even think –” He swallowed down the bile threatening to rise in his throat. “The possibility that I was anything like them hurt more than it did to punch him.”

Andrew was quiet for a minute. “You’re not,” he said. “In case you were still wondering.”

“How can you be so sure?” Neil asked. He wasn’t sure what had made him release that fear into the space between them, but now that it was free, he didn’t know how he’d contained it for so long.

Andrew put a hand on the back of Neil’s neck and held onto him firmly. “They wouldn’t have asked.” He glanced at Neil’s lips. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” said Neil, leaning in. Their kiss was everything kisses were supposed to be. It was electrifying and calming, gentle and fierce, and Neil knew in that instant he would do anything in the world to keep this feeling. Andrew reached for Neil’s wrist and brought his hands up to Andrew’s head. Neil immediately laced his fingers through Andrew’s hair, relishing in the opportunity to pull him closer. When he and Andrew finally broke apart, breathless, they kept their faces close to each other, foreheads pressed together. “We’re okay?” Neil said. It was somewhere between a statement and a question.

Andrew pulled back slightly, and Neil dropped his hands to his sides. Andrew watched him for a moment before nodding. “We will be.”

Neil hesitated. “What about you and Aaron?”

Andrew let out a long breath. “We’ve gotten through worse. I’m sure Bee will have plenty of ideas to help us with the process.”

“And Nicky?”

Andrew closed his eyes. “No.”

“Not ever?” Neil asked.

“I can’t,” said Andrew. He glanced at Neil. “Do you really think I should?”

Neil thought about it. “Not until you think he deserves it. But for what it’s worth, I really have forgiven him.”

“How?”

“It took a while. And I haven’t forgotten it. But since then, he’s done enough to earn my trust. At least some of it.” He looked at Andrew. “Things have been good with you two. I don’t want to be the reason that falls apart.”

“He’s the reason it’s fallen apart,” said Andrew. He didn’t sound hurt or angry; he was just stating a fact.

“I also don’t want him to be the reason we fall apart.” Andrew looked at Neil sharply. Pain and guilt and fear flashed across his eyes in tiny, barely perceptible bursts, and then his face went carefully blank. Neil continued. “No matter how many times you say we’re going to be okay, it won’t be true unless you can forgive Nicky. You’ll just keep extending the blame to yourself and looking at me like _that_. And I can’t let that happen.”

Andrew closed his eyes. “You sound like Renee.” He took a long breath. “I’ll try to forgive him.”

“And you’ll try to believe me when I tell you you’re not responsible for what happened?”

“Yeah. That too.”

“Good,” said Neil. “That’s the most important part.”

“It might take a while. Especially the forgiving him part.”

“That’s okay. I’m an extraordinarily patient person.”

Andrew snorted. “And I’m a pacifist.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. But I can wait for this. You don’t need to act like everything’s okay with Nicky right away. Or Aaron, for that matter. Just don’t let it mess things up for us on the court.”

“Junkie. Now you sound like Kevin.”

“He already assured Dan this isn’t going to screw up our game.”

“Of _course_ he did,” said Andrew, rolling his eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll behave if they do.”

“Thank you,” said Neil, satisfied. While it wasn’t a very encouraging promise, he could tell it was the best he’d get, and he trusted Kevin’s ability to keep Aaron and Nicky well enough in line to avoid further retaliation.

After a while, Andrew spoke again. “Anything else you haven’t been telling me?”

Neil shrugged. “Not on purpose.”

Andrew sighed. “You’re exhausting. 110 percent.”

“If I think of anything, I’ll let you know,” said Neil. “You know that, right?”

Andrew didn’t answer right away. He flicked his cigarette over the side of the building and watched it fall. “Remember when I made you commit to either run or stay?”

“Yeah. After we got back from Kathy Ferdinand’s show. Before our second trip to Columbia.” Neil smiled softly. “When I chose to stay, you told me to remember it as the moment I stopped being a rabbit.”

Andrew nodded, then paused. “I wish someone could’ve told me when it was my last chance to run or stay.” He glanced at Neil. “By the time I realized there was no coming back from you, it was already too late.”

Neil looked down at the sidewalk. He could just make out where Andrew’s cigarette had landed. “If you’d known, would you have stayed?”

“Yes.” Warmth spread through Neil’s chest, and he released tension he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Andrew reached over and took Neil’s face in his hands, brushing his lips against Neil’s forehead. Neil leaned into the touch. “I know you’ll tell me,” said Andrew. After a minute, he let go of Neil and pulled back slightly, looking towards the door with a sigh. “We should go back in.”

“They’re not coming back till the morning,” said Neil. “So you won’t have to see them tonight.”

“You mean _they_ won’t have to see _me_ ,” Andrew corrected darkly, but he looked relieved. “Ready to go back in and show Kevin we’re still alive?”

“Let’s go,” Neil agreed. He got up and followed Andrew through the door and down the stairs back to their dorm.

Kevin was sitting in the exact same place he’d been when Neil left him. When they walked in, he paused the game he was watching and pivoted in his chair, looking anxiously between them. “How’s it going?” he asked cautiously.

Neil wanted to know how Andrew would answer, so he waited. Andrew took his time before responding. “Better.”

Kevin relaxed. “Good.” He looked to Neil. “So you two are . . . ?”

“Better,” Neil agreed.

“Nicky’s still out, though,” Andrew clarified in a warning tone, “and Aaron’s on thin fucking ice.”

“Understandable,” said Kevin. “As long as you don’t let it interfere –”

“Yeah, yeah, I already told Neil your stickball team will remain as functional as it ever was,” Andrew interrupted.

Kevin looked like he wanted to say something to Andrew about his continued lack of interest in exy. Neil secretly agreed, but he was happy when Kevin decided to let it go and focus on the main topic at hand. “I know I said it earlier, but I want you to know I tried to talk them out of the entire confrontation this morning. They wouldn’t listen.”

“What can I say, we Minyards and Hemmicks are a stubborn breed,” said Andrew with a sweeping shrug. He feigned nonchalance, but he fixed Kevin with a critical gaze. “But, while we’re on the topic, do you have any thoughts you’d like to share?”

Kevin shook his head. “I try to spend as little time thinking about your sex life as possible,” he said, “although that’s been more difficult since Neil moved in.” Neil had the decency to blush. Andrew looked vaguely pleased, though Neil wasn’t certain what part of Kevin’s statement Andrew had liked. “Besides, I don’t have room to talk. I met Thea when I was 14 and she was 19. But apparently that’s different because we have ‘shared trauma’ and it ‘wasn’t any more messed up than anything else that happened in the nest,’” said Kevin, stressing the air quotes.

“Sounds super judgmental,” said Andrew. “Want me to kill them for you?”

“ _No_ ,” said Kevin emphatically.

Andrew shrugged. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

“It’s going to be really hard for you to make Court if you’re a convicted murderer,” said Kevin.

“You’ve never shied away from a challenge,” Andrew said. “Besides, who said I’d be convicted?”

Kevin looked at Neil in exasperation. Neil tilted his head to the side. “He makes a compelling argument,” said Neil.

“You’re both completely impossible,” said Kevin.

“That is news to no one,” said Neil.

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t make it any easier to deal with you two.” He looked at Neil. “I’m in the middle of last night’s game between the Jackals and Bearcats. Want to watch?”

“Sure,” said Neil, pulling up his chair next to Kevin.

“ _You_ two are impossible,” muttered Andrew, but he pulled his chair up on Neil’s other side. Neil smiled, more relaxed than he’d been all day. Tomorrow would be rough, as would any interaction with Aaron and Nicky for the foreseeable future, and it would take some time for things between him and Andrew to get back to where they’d been that morning. But they would get there, and tonight, Andrew was trying hard enough that he was willing to watch exy with Neil and Kevin. It would take time, but they were going to be okay, and that was enough.


End file.
